The War On Sailing - A Continuous History

The Sad News

2009-06-05T07:43:00.003-06:00

Yes, newspapers are dying a horrible death, while American culture, unable to see truth past ideology, crippled by a financial crisis exacerbated both caused & "helped" by greedy moneyed people insensitive & apathetic to anyone or anything but their class, their corporate overlords, & their bottom line, falls sadly to pieces, to be replaced by who knows what, & in the middle of it all, forces more sinister than even those (whose evil is banal & whose appetite is vulgar & obvious) seek to replace some standard of justice & right with twisted hurt & sadistic want - friends, the future has never looked more bleak. Not, of course, if you weren't aware of the War On Sailing.

Sadly, the War On Sailing radio show is no more. While I would love to blame it on pressure from above, or sneaky corporate misdirection, or confounding & scheming from within, the fact is, the War On Sailing offices are in need of tidying & relocation. I will attempt to update the playlists for the final two months in the near future, & continue to compose and collate dispatches from the front, & the back, & probably the sides. It may be too much to expect dispatches from the seedy underbelly, which is how one client got impetigo, & of course it's just unpleasant to get dispatches from the rear.

Will it reemerge at some point? I wonder myself. Just stay tuned.

"War On Sailing" Playlist March 15, 2009

2009-04-27T13:22:00.001-06:00

This was a very long show during a very short Spring Break. & that's the long & short of it.

Screw Radio: "I'm A Generation X" from I'm A Generation X
Roots Manuva: "C.R.U.F.F." from Slime & Reason
Blacklisted Individuals: "Fist Full Of Strife" from Fist Full Of Strife
Volcano Suns: "Four Letters" from All-Night Lotus Party

Matmos: "Count Tweakula (Donnacha Costello Remix)" from American Breakbeat Rebuilt
Sleepy Eyes Of Death: "Shattered Limbs" from Dark Signals
Bad Sports: "All The Time" from All The Time
Howlies: "Dirty Woman" from Trippin' With Howlies
Broken Family Band: "The Booze & The Drugs" from Balls

The Bad Plus: "Variation d'Apollon" from For All I Care
Headhunters: "Rima" from Survival Of The Fittest
Jean-Luc Ponty: "Rhum 'n' Zouc" from Tchokola
Amon Düül II: "Archangels Thunderbird" from Yeti
Lejeune: "Replaced By Robots" from For Club & Country

Ruth Copeland: "Suburban Family Lament" from Gimme Shelter: The Invictus Sessions
King Clarentz: "Martha Stewart" from Day Of The Supermodel
Jerry Lewis: "Sunday Driving" from Jerry Lewis: Capitol Collector's Series
Carrots: "Secret Since '99" from Local Live Volume 13: Stimulus Package
Built By Snow: "All The Weird Kids Know" from Mega

P.O.S.: "Savion Glover" from Never Better
Illustrate: "Winter Lady" from The Stuff
AYB M.O.D.: "Turn Back The Clock" from G.A.M.M Allstars Doin James
Philip Glass: "Island" from Glassworks
Gourds: "Foggy Blossom (Mechanical Bride)" from Cow Fish Fowl Or Pig

Arborea: "Onto The Shore" from House Of Sticks
Depth Affect" from Modellbilder: "Little Darla Has A Treat For You, Vol. 24: Endless Summer Edition
Michna: "Triple Chrome Dipped" from Ghostly Swim
The Great Luke Ski: "What's Up Spock?" from Unconventional

Kasai Allstars: "Katuulu Balu" from Congotronics 3: In The 7th Moon, The Chief Turned Into A Swimming Fish & Ate The Head Of His Enemy By Magic
Badawi: "Enter The Heretic" from The Heretic Of Ether
Guild League: "Mouse Vs Mountain" from Speak Up
Lucksmiths: "Good Light" from First Frost

Bertha "Chippie" Hill: "Trouble In Mind" from Fattenin' Frogs For Snakes: The Essential Recordings Of The Blues Ladies
Lightnin' Hopkins: "Gamblers Blues" from Devil's Blues
Clarence Pinetop Smith: "Jump Steady Blues" from Piano Boogie Woogie Vol. 2
T-Bone Walker: "Mean Old World" from Colored

Bran Flakes: "I Comb My Hair Sideways" from I Have Hands
Aurora Plastics Company: "No Place For Restriction" from No Place For Restriction
The Thoughts: "1235" from Consider The Bear
Eugene Mirman: "Joking & Lying/Jack In The Box/Extreme Bowling" from En Garde, Society!
Abe Vigoda: "Don't Lie" from Reviver EP

The Belleville Outfit: "Caroline" from Wanderin'
Klaus Nomi: "Metronomi" from Za Bakdaz
Billie Holiday: "Gloomy Sunday" from Lady Day: The Best Of Billie Holiday
Blue Giant: "Lonely Girl" from Target Heart EP

Charles Spearin: "Mrs. Morris" from The Happiness Project
Los Destellos: "Para Elisa" from The Roots Of Chicha: Psychedelic Cumbias From Peru
MC Solaar: "Paris Samba" from Chapitre 7
Dadamnphreaknoizphunk: "Waiting (feat. Jen)" from The Cheerleaders Are Smiling At You

The War On Sailing. Detailed & delineated Sundays 7 to 9am on KVRX Austin.

"War On Sailing" Playlist March 8, 2009

2009-04-27T13:16:00.001-06:00

Some people, I hear tell, can recreate radio shows from playlists in the same way baseball fans can recreate ball games from the descriptions in the little boxes in the newspapers. This playlist, then, is for those people.

Ryan Lee Crosby: "Nicoline" from Out To Dry
One Happy Island: "Shorthand" from Promotional Sampler
Mystic Zephyrs: "It's Much Too Soon" from Maybe
Tanya Donelly & Dylan In The Movies: "The Lovecats" from Just Like Heaven

Dim Dim" from Riri: "Little Darla Has A Treat For You - Volume 17
Squarepusher: "The Coathanger" from Just A Souvenir
Hypnoz: "Generation Qui En Veut" from Compte Avec Moi
Bran Flakes: "Dance Of The Sugarsnap Fairy" from I Have Hands
Yusef Lateef: "Nile Valley Blues" from Reevaluations: The Impulse Years
Fight Bite: "Age Of Faith" from Emerald Eyes

Johnny Dollar: "Action Packed" from Gene Vincent Cut Our Songs: Primitive Texas Rockabilly & Honky Tonk
Gary Numan: "Me! I Disconnect From You" from BBC Sessions
Amar Singh Chamkila: "Jija Lak Min Le" from Kings & Queens - The Best Panjabi Roots Music
Billy Eckstine & His Orchestra: "I Love The Rhythm In A Riff" from The Savoy Story
Academy Of St. Martin-In-The-Fields Under Neville Marriner: "W.A. Mozart: Eine Kleine Nachtmusik (Serenade), K. 525; 1st. Movement" from Amadeus: Original Soundtrack Special Edition: Directors Cut

Lee Fields: "Problems" from Problems
The Final Solution: "Girl In My Life" from Brotherman Soundtrack
Norman Rose: "Deteriorata" from Greatest Hits Of The National Lampoon
Robyn Hitchcock & The Venus Three: "What You Is" from Goodnight, Oslo
Abashed: "Exploitation Is Cool!" from Green Light Go!

Dent May & His Magnificent Ukulele: "College Town Boy" from The Good Feeling Music Of...
The Colours: "Helplessly Hoping" from Colours
Ezra Weiss: "Get Happy" from Get Happy
Peanuts Hucko: "Memories Of You" from Peanuts Hucko - Vol. 2

Elder Utah Smith: "Two Wings & Every Man's Got To Lay Down & Die" from I Got Two Wings
Claude Rains: "Joseph & His Coat Of Many Colors" from Bible Stories For Children
Ashra: "Deep Distance" from New Age Of Earth

You don't just have to do for this show, either. There are more at kvrx.org. Your brain will bleed.

"War On Sailing" Playlist March 1, 2009

2009-04-27T13:11:00.001-06:00

Do I look fat in this playlist?

Bosque Brown: "Train Song" from Baby
Blue Giant: "Lonely Girl" from Target Heart EP
La Fille d'Erne: "Ta Petite Amie (I Wanna Be Your Boyfriend)" from Ramones Forever: An International Tribute
Howlies: "Sea Level" from Trippin' With Howlies
Big Sonny & His Furies: "Fail Safe" from Fail Safe

Distant Seconds: "Half A Believer" from Spectral Evidence
The Juan MacLean: "One Day" from The Future Will Come
Mux Mool: "Night Court" from Ghostly Swim
Spoonie Gee: "The Big Beat" from The Big Beat
Captain Dan & The Scurvy Crew: "Hook It Up" from Rimes Of The Ancient Mariners

Freddy Kempf: "Impromptu No. 4 In C Sharp Minor, Op. 66, 'Fantaisie-impromptu'" from Chopin: 4 Ballades / Polonaise-Fantaisie / Fantaisie-Impromptu
Glenn Miller & His Orchestra: "Song Of The Volga Boatmen" from A Legendary Performer
Frank Teschemacher (with Eddie Condon & Quartet): "Indiana" from Clarinet Masters
George Wild Child Butler: "Axe & The Wind" from Willie Dixon - Mr Dixon's Workshop

Kutumba: "Maitighar" from Folk Roots
Rokia Traore: "Kounandi" from Tchmantche
Charles Steven Page: "Suddenly" from Bizarro Compilation #1
Juni Jarvi: "If We Just Want To" from Wherever Thou Art

Del Reeves: "Barroom Talk" from Friends & Neighbors
Salesman: "Beekeeper" from Sweetheart
Rattlesnake Cooper: "Rattlesnake Blues" from Howling Wolf Blues: The Story Of Talent & Star Talent
Johnny Nicholas: "Tell Me Why" from Bocce Boogie

Earthtribe: "Indian Dope Trick" from Indian Dope Trick
Spaceships Are Cool: "Let Things Go" from Spaceships Are Cool
Robert Tilton: "Singing In Tongues" from Jesus Made Me Do It Volume 2
Fishboy: "Talking To The Doctor After Pressing The Elevator Button That Grew On Your Forehead Overnight Causing Your Legs To Grow Uncontrollably" from Zipbangboom

You'd tell me, right? Right?

"War On Sailing" Playlist February 22, 2009

2009-04-27T13:04:00.001-06:00

I heard tell of a President's Day like no other, where all the famous dead presidents appeared in a deejay's head, & he woke up only slightly more confused than he normally did, it being 6am on a Sunday & only thirty minutes since he went to bed. Then, without warning, he played this music on the radio:

Bennis Hess: "Novelty Yodel" from Wild Hog Hop
Pains Of Being Pure At Heart: "Come Saturday" from Pains Of Being Pure At Heart
Tears Run Rings: "Send Me Back" from Always, Sometimes, Seldom, Never
Dear Nora: "The Sign Of The Times" from Three States: Rarities 1997-2007

Yuksek: "Break Ya" from Away From The Sea
Powerfunk: "Kill Your Children" from Pie!
Roxanne Shante: "Let's Rock Y'all" from Bad Sister
Femi Kuti: "Do You Know" from Day By Day
Oto Psoa: "Les Chemins d'Allahabad" from Asian Vibes
The Appleseed Cast: "Like A Locus (Shake Hands With The Dead)" from Sagarmatha

Buddy Tate: "Texas Twister" from Buddy Tate: The Texas Twister
Ernie K-Doe: "Here Come The Girls" from New Orleans Funk
Original Dixieland Jazz Band: "Livery Stable Blues" from The First Jazz Recordings, 1917-1921
Harry Simeone Chorale: "Onward Christian Soldiers" from The Ember Records Story Volume 1

Bronnt Industries Kapital: "Underground" from Haxan
Bell Telephone Labs: "Computer Speech" from Computer Speech
Lucksmiths: "California In Popular Song" from First Frost
Sally Timms: "Dreaming Cowboy" from Cowboy Sally's Twilight Laments... For Lost Buckaroos

The Secret History: "The Ballad Of The Haunted Hearts" from Desolation Town EP
This Microwave World: "In Hospital" from The Same Things Kill Your Kids
Sad Day For Puppets: "Marble Gods" from Unknown Colors

Mrs. L Reed & Mrs T A Duncans: "Light In The Valley" from Goodbye, Babylon
Big Joe Williams: "Coffeehouse Blues" from 55 Years Of Blues
Lee Hunter: "Back To Santa Fe" from Down Home Blues Classics 1943-1953
Sidike Diabate, Batrou Sekou & Djelimedi Sissoko: "Asumuka" from African Roots
Xela: "You Are In The Stars" from Tangled Wool

Where did this happen? Perhaps you didn't hear it, but you can find it on Sundays from 7 to 9am on 91.7 fm KVRX Austin.

"War On Sailing" Playlist February 15, 2009

2009-04-27T12:29:00.002-06:00

Do you remember the mid-Februarys? They say that they never quite catch on, but you can get caught on one of them. Here's what was caught on this past mid-February:

Belle & Sebastian: "Stars Of Track & Field" from The BBC Sessions
Provision: "Intruder" from Visualize
Klaus Nomi: "Valentine's Day" from Za Bakdaz
Edan: "Syllable Practice" from Primitive Plus
Dan Le Sac Vs. Scroobius Pip: "Angles" from Angles

Natacha Atlas: "When I Close My Eyes" from The Best Of Natacha Atlas
Rokia Traore: "Tounka" from Tchmantche
L'Altra: "Goodbye Music" from In The Afternoon
Antony & The Johnsons: "Kiss My Name" from The Crying Light
Phil Phillips: "The Evil Dope" from The Evil Dope

Freddie Keppard: "Messin' Around (Cookie's Gingersnaps)" from The Legend
Hank Locklin: "You're The Reason" from Happy Journey
Kinney Abair & Sonny Boy Terry: "Mr. Rockefeller" from Texas Harmonica Greats
Jimmy Holiday: "The Turning Point" from Dave Godin's Deep Soul Treasures: Taken From Our Vaults, Vol. 1

Rusty Warren: "The Newlyweds" from Knockers Up
Distant Seconds: "Your Politics" from Spectral Evidence
Voyeurism Is The New Tattoo: "Luxuriator" from Luxuriator
The Reflecting Skin: "Traffickers" from Ghostly Swim
Benga" from 26 Basslines: "Diaries Of An Afro Warrior
The Mackrosoft: "Hold Up" from Antonio's Giraffe

Michael Jacobson: "Concerto Da Camera: Allegro (Fisher Tull) (with the Baylor University Brass Quintet)" from Mixed Company
Dent May & His Magnificent Ukulele: "I'm An Alcoholic" from The Good Feeling music Of...
Tamiya Lynn: "Mojo Hannah" from In Yo' Face!- The Roots Of Funk, Vol. 0.5
Ruthie Foster: "Stone Love" from The Truth According To Ruthie Foster

Burning Hearts: "The Galloping Horse" from Aboa Sleeping
Aissaoua Brotherhood Of Marrakesh: "'Ada (Part 2)" from Morocco The Music of Islam, Vol. 5: Aissaoua Sufi Ceremony
Angelo Badalamenti: "Dance Of The Dream Man" from Music From Twin Peaks

The old post is still standing. It stands Sundays from 7 to 9am on 91.7 fm KVRX Austin. Then, slightly worn out, it sits again.

"War On Sailing" Playlist February 8, 2009

2009-04-27T12:13:00.001-06:00

One mild February morning, this happened:

South Austin Jug Band: "Po' Boys In The Glovebox" from Strange Invitation
Lucksmiths: "Day Three Of Five" from First Frost
Pataphysics: "You Make Me Feel Like A Weirdo" from Take A Look Out Your Window
Pains Of Being Pure At Heart: "Everything With You" from Pains Of Being Pure At Heart
Kryptic Krew feat Tina B: "Jazzy Sensation (Manhattan)" from Jazzy Sensation

Macott: "Live Again" from Art Project
Gavin Bryars: "White's SS" from From Brussels With Love
Tsimba itsoka: "Hapana Kuti Mbijana" from Oliver Mtukudzi
Lee Wiley: "Let's Do It" from Two Classic Interpretations Of The Immortal Cole Porter
New York Electric Piano: "Fireblossom" from King Mystery

Graham Chapman: "Chapter One - Perinatal Development & A Few Other Bits (Excerpt)" from A Liar's Autobiography
Manfred Krug: "Wenn's Draussen Grün Wird" from Ein Hauch Von Frühling
Archibald: "Stack-A-Lee, Pts 1 & 2" from Gettin' Funky: The Birth of New Orleans R&B, Vol. 1
Raymond Scott: "Sleepy Time" from Soothing Sounds For Baby: Volume 1 (1 To 6 Months)

Fireworks Night: "Down To The Lake" from A Mirror, A Ghost
Evil Mom: "If I Were Zooey Deschanel" from If I Were Zooey Deschanel
Distant Seconds: "Even The Help Are Dancing Now" from Spectral Evidence
Lucy Stewart: "The Laird O'Drum" from Classic Ballads Of Britain & Ireland Vol. 2
O Death: "A Light That Does Not Dim" from Broken Hymns, Limbs, & Skin

Bearsuit: "More Soul Than Wigan Casino" from Oh:io
Cake On Cake: "Classical Music Quiz" from Hymns I Remember
Glowstick Mountain: "Grandma" from Business Deal Band Lotto
Loney Dear: "Airport Surroundings" from Dear John

Robert Fripp: "Evensong: Tallinn" from At The End Of Time: Churchscapes Live In England & Estonia
Secede: "Kingdom Of Hearts" from Tryshasla
Lena Horne with Henry Levine's Dixieland Jazz Group: "Aunt Hagar's Blues" from 1936-1941
Arthur Godfrey: "Sumer Is Icumen In" from Sing-A-Round With Arthur Godfrey

It happened Sunday 7am to 9am, & will again, though most definitely not in this sequence. At 91.7 on the dial, KVRX Austin.

"War On Sailing" Playlist February 1, 2009

2009-04-27T12:06:00.002-06:00

Look, kids! Another playlist! It's astonishing what happens when one writes down what one is playing on the radio!

Benny Barnes: "A Poor Man's Riches" from Country Music At Its Best - Music Sampler Vol. 4
Miss Lana Rebel: "Road Song" from All I Need
Pure Jade Green: "How's He Gonna Find Me" from Psychedelic States Texas In The 60's Vol. 1
Bambara: "Shake" from Bambambara
Frank Caliendo: "Scooby Doo/Super Friends" from Make The Voices Stop

Business Lady: "Royal Dancing" from Torture Footage
Freescha: "Foresty Forest" from Christmas Lights
Arliss Parker: "Oh My" from Handsome Like A Lion
Harpo Marx: "Harpo Woogie" from Harpo In Hi Fi/Harpo At Work
Tricorn & Queue: "A1" from Continual Passage
Erik Satie: "Ogives IV (Reinbert de Leeuw, piano)" from Early Piano Works

Baby Face Leroy Foster: "My Head Can't Rest Anymore" from An Introduction To Chicago Blues
Dennis Brown: "Westbound Train" from The Story Of Jamaican Music: Tougher Than Tough
Joe Carroll: "Land Of Ooh Bla Dee" from Man With A Happy Sound
Johnny Littlejohn: "Bloody Tears" from The Best Of Slide Guitar

Fatback Band: "King Tim III (Personality Jock)" from Kurtis Blow Presents The History Of Rap, Vol. 1: The Genesis
Sugarloaf Gangsters: "Sayin' It & Doin' It" from G.A.M.M Allstars Doin James
Blackbird Harmony: "Turpentine" from Hardwood Exits
The Tallest Man On Earth: "Into The Stream" from Shallow Grave
The Secret History: "Mark & John (Bring On The Glitter Kids)" from Desolation Town EP

Distant Seconds: "The Manual" from Spectral Evidence
Tennis Pro: "Shelly Gets High" from Are You There God? It's Me, Tennis Pro
Religious Knives: "Decisions Are Made" from The Doo
Miss Frances: "Fun With Instruments" from Fun With Instruments

Frantics: "Worshippers 'R' Us" from Boot To The Head
Gerald Wilson: "Guarachi-Guaro - Part 1" from Chronological 1946-1954
Cracow Klezmer Band: "Galgalim" from The Cracow Klezmer Band Plays John Zorn Sanatorium Under The Sign Of The Hourglass: A Tribute to Bruno Schultz

The War On Sailing. Now with nutritional vitriol! KVRX Austin!

"War On Sailing" Playlist January 25, 2009

2009-04-27T11:55:00.002-06:00

The past, captured in a list of things, to help you remember what you did on this day in history. Hoorah!

Ui: "Sexy Photograph" from Sidelong
A Certain Ratio: "I Feel Light" from A Mind Made Up
Doug Sahm: "The Ballad Of Davy Crockett (with Tom Blackburn)" from Get A Life
Phosphorescent: "Pick Up The Tempo" from To Willie

Asmus Tietchens: "Den Stiftsherren" from Aus Freude Am Elend
Joseph Arthur & The Lonely Astronauts: "Say Goodbye" from Temporary People
13th Floor Elevators: "We Sell Soul (The Spades)" from The Psychedelic Sounds Of The 13th Floor Elevators
Patricia Barber: "C'est Magnifique" from The Cole Porter Mix
Sarah Webster: "Fabio" from Soul Through A Lickin' Stick

The Krayolas: "Yakety Song" from La Conquistadora
Ewan MacColl: "Dirty Old Town" from Black & White: The Definitive Ewan MacColl Collection
English Beat: "Sole Salvation" from Special Beat Service
Chris Kenner: "Packin' Up" from Land Of 1000 Dances
Kenny Clarke: "The Squirrel" from Jazz In Paris: Plays Andre Hodeir

Dick Dickenbock: "The Dick Dickenbock Report 012509" from The Dickenbock Report
Pnuma Trio: "Misery Loves Company" from Character
Ghettosocks: "Steal From Walmart (Instrumental Version)" from Get Some Friends
Squarepusher: "Potential Govaner" from Just A Souvenir
Thievery Corporation: "Mandala" from Radio Retaliation

Max Tundra: "Will Get Fooled Again" from Parallax Error Beheads You
Edip Akbayram: "Yakar Inceden Inceden" from Love, Peace & Poetry: Turkish Psychedelic Music
Femi Kuti: "Dem Funny" from Day By Day

Luxuriator: "Fins" from Luxuriator
Distant Seconds: "We're Unstoppable" from Spectral Evidence
Dezurik Sisters: "I Left Her Standing There" from Flowers In The Wildwood - Women In Early Country Music
Rev. H.R. Tomlin: "Lord I Just Can't Keep From Crying" from Complete Recorded Works 1926-1927
Hubert Laws: "In The Beginning" from In The Beginning

The War On Sailing: Sundays for a little while longer from 7 to 9am at 91.7 fm KVRX. Don't say you weren't told.

"War On Sailing" Playlist January 17, 2009

2009-03-10T13:54:00.003-06:00

The slow catch-up continues. This happened almost two months ago. I still wince when I hear these melodies.

"Get Yourself Together (French Version)" Velocette from Get Yourself Together
"When Will It Finally End" Cause Co-Motion from It's Time: Singles 2005-2008
"I Love Movies" Doug Benson from Professional Humoredian
"Headless Horseman" Mitch Hedburg from Do You Believe in Gosh?

"Baby Version" Dennis Alcapone from Forever Version
"Moses Dub" Mad Professor from The Dubs that Time Forgot
"Hot Dogs With Everything" Pogues from Haunted
"Reprise" The Steak House Mints from Out Of The Sky
"Evil Blues" Melvin Lil Son Jackson from Rockin' & Rollin', Vol. 1: 1948-1950
"She's Got Something On Me" Cedric Burnside & Lightnin' Malcolm from 2 Man Wrecking Crew
"Crawling & Creeping" Asa Martin & James Roberts from Oh My Little Darling

"On My Mind" Secret Agent 8 from Secret Agent 8
"In Control" B12 from Last Days Of Silence
"Fanfares" Philip Jeck from Sand
"Make It Funky (12" Mix)" Ice T from Rhyme Pays
"E.S.T. (Trip To The Moon)" Alien Sex Fiend from The First Alien Sex Fiend Compact Disc
"Senses On Fire" Mercury Rev from Snowflake Midnight

"Butterfingers" Bernard Purdie from Legends Of Acid Jazz
"Happy" Mufuti Twins from Crooning Over Sperrmull Tapes
"Waters Rise & Lower" Allisons from The Allisons
"Note Crisis" Laika & The Cosmonauts from Cosmopolis 1988-2008
"The F.B.I." Lily Tomlin from This Is A Recording
"Narcisse" Martin Rev from Les Nymphes

"Tapha Niang" Toumani Diabaté's Symmetric Orchestra from Boulevard De l'Indépendance
"Monkey Bee" Monkey from Journey To The West
"The Vice & Virtue Ministry" Happy Bullets from The Vice & Virtue Ministry
"The Hold Up" Andre Williams & The Diplomats Of Solid Sound from Aphrodisiac
"Ol' Corn Likker" Carolina Chocolate Drops from Dona Got A Ramblin' Mind
"Cathedral Tunes" State Bird from Mostly Ghostly

"Splitting In Two" Alternative TV from The Image Has Cracked
"I Wanna Be Young" Ariel Pink's Haunted Graffiti from Oddities Sodomies Vol. 1
"My Girl's A Barrier Machine" Blitter from American Breakbeat
"Sing, You Sinners" Pivot from O Soundtrack My Heart

"The Living Piano" Nick Hennies from Habitat
"Waterbrush" Robin Rimbaud from The Garden Is Full Of Metl
"Someone To Watch Over Me" Blossom Dearie from My Gentleman Friend
"Teenage Kicks" Portatastic from Some Small History
"Anecdote" Ambulance LTD from Ambulance LTD

"On Signing Of The Civil Rights Bill" Lyndon B Johnson from The Greatest Speeches Of All Time
"Walk" Burning Spear from Putumayo World Party
"Hai Mohabbat" Lata Mangeshkar & Suresh Wadkar from CompilAsian NR1
"Nine Million Rainy Days" Postmarks from By the Numbers
"Like Dylan In The Movies" Belle & Sebastian from The BBC Sessions

"Corinne Corrina" Sleepy John Estes With Hammie Nixon from On 80 Highway
"Then My Gal's In Town" David Cross from Jazzin' The Blues Vol. 1 (1929-1937)
"Maggie's Farm" Boulder Acoustic Society from The Caged Bird
"Broke Down" Slaid Cleaves from Broke Down
"Summer's Not The Same Without You" James Yorkston from When the Haar Rolls In
"You'll Lose A Good Thing" Barbara Lynn from Birth Of Soul, Volume 1

"Saint Vitus' Dance" Xex from Group: Xex
"Everybody Monkey" Freddy Cannon from Freddy Cannon His Latest & Greatest
"Jesus Christ's Ring" Alexandria Hughes Little from Bizarro Compilation #1

Remember, The War On Sailing: The Radio Show happens Sunday mornings from 7 to 9am on 91.7 fm KVRX Austin. It's worth skipping Saturday night for!

Remembering Dogface Clifton

2009-03-09T16:07:00.004-06:00

I was in the marketplace of ideas on the other side of Remington Avenue last Thursday next haggling over the price of strawberries & the Protestant concept of "free will" when word came down from unreliable sources that Homer Baraka "Dogface" Clifton has at last shuffled off his mortal coil. By all accounts, he was rather old, but he was also tenacious, & many folks expected him to outlive us all, usually to his face, if only to shut him up when he was complaining about the rheumatism. His death went unnoticed in the press because he was not in the least bit famous, but scholars of The War On Sailing knew him by sight, & unfortunately by smell.

Born somewhere on or near an apple cart just a few miles outside of Pennsylvania, Clifton was used as a glorified road sign & dinner bell for his hard-working parents, who sold cynicism door-to-door in the otherwise positive glow of post-war America. Accused often of heresy & redaction during his formative years, Clifton left formal schooling after accidentally making out with Neal Cassady, who had been introducing himself around town as Marie The Bellhop, & who was reportedly charmed by Clifton's inability to whisper. Clifton was to compulsively enroll in various schools, programs, seminaries, drug tests & surveys the entire rest of his life, but unsurprisingly never was able to attend or finish any of them. He was fond of saying, "I just like to sign on the dotted line."

Drafted to serve in Vietnam despite being unable to read an eye chart or even hear the instructions, Clifton hopped a boat & fled to Cambodia, incorrectly believing he was going to Cornwall. A lengthy imprisonment gave him a great deal of time to work on his hobby of inventing difficult Tom Swifties (one of his most famous was, "'They just took my left ventricle & right aorta,' he said, half-heartedly") & to examine the details of a government in decline. After he accidentally bested Saloth Sar (later known as "Pol Pot") in a game of Theravada Buddhism Horseshoes when the future dictator was touring rural prisons, he was expelled from the country. A chance encounter with a record by British mod/psychedelic band the Creation coincided with his first attempt at snorting crystallized cough syrup, & Clifton realized for the first time the central factors in what we now call "The War On Sailing."

It was at this time that he received his famous nickname, which people had called him since adolescence, actually, because he kind of looked like a dog. That condition got worse as he got older, much to the chagrin of dogs, all of whom were always more attractive than Clifton.

Hiding out for a long time (the entire 1970s) in a deaf couple's basement in Canberra, Australia, Clifton wrote several memorable observational treatises which have served as references for the entire Oceanic critique. In particular, it is widely thought that Clifton's polemics against SEATO, which he called "an anagram that smells like butt," brought the organization down despite its ineffectiveness in the United States' invasion of Vietnam. Clifton also privately published at this time angry letters he wrote to SEATO headquarters in Bangkok, although he did managed to ask for coupons at the end of every one.

"He was a showman," a colleague at the time wrote in personal correspondence upon hearing about Clifton's death. "Since nothing ever made any sense to him, he forewent the whole idea of reasoned argument. He was bellicose but conciliatory, blustery but demure, formal in manner but informal in personal hygiene. He was a little hard to be around, if you can believe that."

He accepted a seat in the California Underground Quilters Parliament at the beginning of the 1980s, but resigned once he explained that he had just stowed away on a liner for months just to get a new chair. Falling in love with the beach in Southern California, his affections were subsequently spurned. (Explained the beach, "I'm more attracted to surfers.") He moved, broken-hearted & drunken, to Utah, where he worked as a wife-tagger for a fanatical Mormon splinter group which claimed their holy writings demanded that all men have at least four hundred wives each. To help the husbands identify them, Dogface made attracted tee shirts for every wife, some with catchy sayings that later, in a manner that is still unclear, became popular slogans for fast food chains such as Wendy's & Taco Bell.

He wrote little (well, that wasn't on a tee shirt) in those days. His letters to the Christian Science Monitor, while generally on target about Broadway shows & the skin cancer chances of famous Republicans, were generally devoid of the insight which made his 1970s writing so powerful. In particular, Clifton refused to discuss populist movements, the decline of Disney animation, or anything having to do with the television show "Who's The Boss" - three of the great pillars of War On Sailing scholarship of the 1980s. His old compatriots, more or less disgusted by what they saw as his decline, but also probably too busy watching "Night Court," quickly abandoned him, & he seemed to be entering what many would consider obscurity.

But in the mid-90's, a traffic accident with a cast member of "Friends" propelled him back into the spotlight, & he became a staff writer for "E! News Daily," a "newscast" on a vapid pay cable channel which reported primarily on the cast of "Friends." Clifton inserted clues to those in the know about the actual state of the world, which he discovered to his delight was being re-written on the fly by powerful Hollywood moguls who actually did have four hundred wives each (& for whom he also made tee shirts which, as is now well-understood, became the names & plot-lines for every horror film released since 1997). It was heady stuff, & those of us who remember those days look back fondly on a brief moment when an actual "news" telecast contained real information.

Sleeping with the enemy took its toll, so Clifton began sleeping at ramshackle Hollywood parties, including a famous weekend at Tom Cruise's place, which he would never speak about, but which always produced one small tear at the corner of his left eye. He began writing pieces for the Internet, most of which he'd delete a few days later, so trying to catch a Clifton commentary became a frustrating game for his admirers. The fire had died a little during the Bush monarchy, but his continuing obsession with a group of far-right-wing Boy Scouts in Birmingham, Alabama, shed more light on Dick Cheney than the Vice President could tolerate, & a group of thugs armed only with Ralph Reed masks assaulted Clifton last year when he emerged from Nick Nolte's goldfish pond to steal some cheese crackers for breakfast.

Clifton made a slow but creaky recovery, & hopes were high that he'd be back sleeping on Bill Maher's lawn in no time. But it was not to be. An infection characterized by doctors as "reluctant" caused Clifton to return to the hospital, where he managed to infect not only his doctors, but also two nurses, a bedpan cleaner, the three other patients in his room, & former Laker Norm Nixon. He died not very peacefully, screaming at the top of his lungs, in his hospital bed, earlier this year.

Former friends are considering a collection of his many articles, letters, screeds & (in his later years) twitters.

"War On Sailing" Playlist January 10, 2009

2009-02-05T14:28:00.003-06:00

A four-hour War On Sailing? What're you, nuts?

"Parade" Blue Train from Land Of Gold
"Perfect Games" The Broken West from Now Or Heaven
"The Faucets Are Dripping" Broadside Singers from Broadside Ballads, Vol. 3
"Dark Autumn Hour" Frontier Ruckus from The Orion Songbook
"She's My Baby" Peppermint Harris from Best Of Harlem & Jax Records, Vol. 2
"Shake Your Boogie" Billy Boy Arnold from Broadcasting The Blues

"Bad Taste" Compulsive Gamblers from The History Of Memphis Garage Rock: The 90's
"To Fix The Gash In Your Head" A Place To Bury Strangers from Stuck On Amp - Live From Radio K6
"Afterglow" Momus from Voyager
"These Jeans! Why They're... They're Made Of Taffy" Rad Wolf from For Your Consideration
"Rose" Zeale 32 from Zeale 32

"I Live Alone" Cynics from Get Our Way
"Klezmer A La Bechet" David Krakauer from A New Hot One
"Boo-Bah-Bah" Bob Vido from One Man Band
"The World" Dalek I Love You from Compass Kumpas
"One With The Underdogs" Terror from Less Than Zero

"A Sudden Manhattan Of The Mind" Max Richter from 24 Postcards In Full Colour
"Kasbah Rockers (vocal mix)" Kasbah Rockers with Bill Laswell from Kasbah Rockers
"Natt" Ismael Lô from Natt
"Keep On Walking" Mad Juana from Bruja On The Corner

"Colonel Impossible" Furtips from When My Baby Smiles At Me I Go To Rio
"You Can Find Me" Black Fiction from Ghost Ride
"Trust To Lose" South San Gabriel from Dual Hawks
"How To Catch A Lizard" Larkin Grimm from Parplar
"Daddy Rhythm Guitar" Paul Burch from Bloodshoot Records Honky-Tonk Compilation
"Hole Of Doubt" The Accident That Led Me To The World from The Island Gospel
"Black Dog Blues" Bayless Rose from American Primitive Vol. 2

"Accept" Aardvark from Find The Cow
"Funky" DJ Shadow & Cut Chemist from Hard Sell (Encore)
"Mestizo Eyes" Bobbi Humphrey from Fancy Dancer
"Halyards" Forty Seven Times Its Own Weight from Cumulo Nimbus

"Stop It" Pylon from Hits
"Magic Moments" Table Table) from Messthetics #104 DIY '77-81 South Wales 1
"Blessed Be The Nation" Studs Turkel from Where Have All The Flowers Gone: The Songs Of Pete Seeger
"Raincoat Song" Decemberists from Always the Bridesmaid: A Singles Series
"Die Wikingjugend Hat Mein Madchen Entfuhrt" Die Arzte from Blitzkrieg Over You: A Tribute To The Ramones

"Butch's DreamP" ygmylush from Mount Hope
"Let Your Light Shine On Me" Mud Boy & The Neutrons from It Came From Memphis Volume 2
"Mumbling Yeah (Kabale Und Liebe & Daniel Sanchez)" Luciano from Fabric 41
"Giant Step Forward" Dalton Mullins from Kaleidoscope
"We Will Fall" Stooges from The Stooges

"Crosseyed Cat" Magic Slim & The Teardrops from Midnight Blues
"When I Been Drinking" Big Bill Broonzy from Complete Recorded Works Vol. 11 (1940-1942)
"Listen Close" MC Frontalot from Final Boss
"El-Oh-En (featuring Jehst)" Sir Smurf Lil from A New Bloodline

"Instincticide" Lines from Flood Bank
"Build Your Own Los Angeles" Distant Seconds from Spectral Evidence
"Paint You" Meneguar from Strangers in Our House
"Freddie & The Trojan Horse" Radio Dept from Freddie & The Trojan Horse
"The End Of The Asterisk" Los Campesinos! from We Are Beautiful, We Are Doomed

"Cry Me Not" Booker Ervin from The Freedom Book
"Introduction (Excerpt) (read by Nicholas Ball)" Christopher Hitchens from The Portable Atheist
"Sonata For Piano No. 2, Op. 64 'The Fire Sermon"': I. Molto Allegro" Izumi Tateno from Rautavaara
"The Weight" Staple Singers from Soul Folk In Action

Yes, yes, way behind. The show struggles forward, Sundays at 7am om 91.7 KVRX Austin.

Cogwell Machine: Birth, Uses, Stuff

2009-02-05T14:00:00.003-06:00

Enrest Lemmoin invented the Cogwell Machine in his second wife's sewing room on a cold January morning this very day, February 5, 2009, in 1859. While English by birth, he was British in temperament, & lived his entire life in the small village just outside the hamlet located due east of the growing suburb south of Baltimore, Maryland. Not far enough south, though, as his village was either in the United States or in the United States Virgin Islands. Not even a hastily modified land-bridge could help the hapless atlas markers.

Enrest showed a propensity for proposals are a pretentious age. Ever full of ideas, young Enrie (as he wasn't called by virtually everyone who knew him) stuck his button-up nose into imaginary arguments between peddler & pedant, cop & choreographer, shopkeep & shut-in, artist's model & model citizen. His "solutions" (as he called them, making the quotes with his fingers) were more often than not embraced by the disputers, if only to make Lemmoin go away. His self-esteem thus enhanced, Enrie lived to butt in another day. & another day. & another day.

Graduated from a tiny arts college located in the storeroom of West Point in 1844, Lemmoin immediately enlisted in the Peace Corps, one hundred & twenty years before its invention. Having no government sponsorship, his ill-conceived plan to work in a small village in central Africa turned disastrous, but since Lemmoin barely made it out alive & swore never to speak of it again, we shan't either, except to say that it was not there, as previously imagined, that Enrest acquired his taste for human flesh. That would happen when he became friends Stephen F. Douglas.

Still spry & nimble though possessed of a crushing ego, Lemmoin took to inventing in the inventive 1850s. That decade saw the invention of the baseball bracket, the curlicue curtain, the car stereo (though not just recognized as such), the Society For Creative Anachronism, grape jelly on a stick, malaria (not considered a great invention), dental dams, fast-acting baby oil, & that picture of a heart with an arrow through it, among others. Lemmoin jumped into the market with both pants down, & found employment at Hooper's Inventions, Unlimited.

Old Man Hooper (whose really name was Young Man Hooper) ran a tight ship, although he allowed the famously seasick Lemmoin to work in his Manhattan office. Lemmoin was essential in the invention of such common household items as the stapler, the common house string roll, & refrigerator magnets, but he dreamt bigger, his dreams aided by the enormous amount of opium he smoked, & the enormous amount of gin given to all the employees of Hooper's Inventions, Unlimited. He'd return home every night with ideas cracking through the back of his head - although later, he'd admit it might just be blood.

The Cogwell Machine was patented just before the Civil War got all whiny. Demand at first was scarce, but as Americans (in rebellion & not) learned about the wonders of this modern labor-saving device, it was reduced to nothing. Even Abraham Lincoln mentioning that he had one in White House during his annual weekly radio address failed to help the product, mainly because he was out of town that week, so David Brenner did the address. The failure of the Cogwell Machine drove Enrest Lemmoin to the brink of despair, & then over that brink, into the sad pool of blood & bones called suicide.

Lemmoin died unhappy, leaving behind his three wives, nineteen children, kin in central Africa, & the fortune he made inventing refrigerator magnets. All three wives remarried the same person, & that person's grandson discovered the Cogwell Machine in one of his funny-looking relative's attics one day. Amazed that somone in his family, at that point the scions of New England aristocracy & three-time winner of Lifetime Achievement Awards from Inbreeding Today, could have invented something so practical terrified him, so he burned down the house. Ironically, though he lost an uncle, an aunt, two cousins, two wives, his left arm, part of his face, & a pet goldfish named spot, the fire fighters were able to save the prototype of the Cogwell Machine, which was quickly secured by the Department of the Secret Stuff & flown by unhappy butterflies to Washington.

Where it languishes to this day. Yes, the rumors are true! The Cogwell Machine not only exists, but it works! Rumor has it former Vice President Cheney spent more time with it than with his terrorist torture subjects. What does it do? Oh, you know what it does. When can we see? Oh, I believe we'll see - soon. Soon.

"War On Sailing" Playlist January 1, 2009

2009-02-02T16:51:00.002-06:00

A new year, the same old thing.

"This Gift" Sons & Daughters from This Gift
"On A Saturday" Herman Dune from Next Year In Zion
"Autoharp Concerto" Grandpa Jones from Family Album
"Valse Des Reeds" The Savoy Family Band from Turn Loose But Don't Let Go
"S Y S L J F M (The Letter Song)" Joe Tex from I Believe I'm Gonna Make It: The Best Of Joe Tex
"Bizarre Triangle" Hanway Troof from Islands Of Ayle

"S.O.C.A." Asian Dub Foundation from Punkara
"Making A Case For Magic" I Am Robot & Proud from Uphill City
"Strychnine, Breathless Ways" Centro-Matic from Dual Hawks
"You Stood Me Up" Benji Hughes from A Little Extreme EP
"Help Wanted" Company Flow from Funcrusher Plus

"Mama Don't Want No Peas An' Rice An' Coconut Oil" Cleo Brown from Complete Recorded Works March 1935 To June 1935
"Transcription Of Organ Music" Allen Ginsberg from Howls, Raps & Roars
"Uncle Joe" Buffy Sainte-Marie from I'm Gonna Be A Country Girl Again
"Schönes Mädchen" Hauschka from Ferndorf
"Ce N'est Pas Bon" Amadou & Mariam from Welcome To Mali
"4-4-44" Youssou N'Dour from Rokku Mi Rokka

"The Eyes Of Texas" Milton Brown & His Brownies from From the Vaults: Decca Country Classics 1934-1973
"Hello Sunshine" Langhorne Slim & The War Eagles from Langhorne Slim & The War Eagles
"Hey Bartender, There's A Bug In My Beer" Warner Williams & Eddie Pennington from Down Home Saturday Night
"You Only Live Twice" Postmarks from By The Numbers

"Non-Stop Beatles Disco" Cafe Creme from Non-Stop Beatles Disco
"Baby Please" Walter Meego from Voyager
"Null" Midori Hirano from Klo Yuri
"Beatitudes" Cars & Trains from Rusty String
"Play The Role (Liquid Soul Remix)" Bavu Blakes from Nobody Leavin

"Singing Lesson 1 Pt 2 - How The Voice Works" Explore Your Voice from The Confidence To Sing
"Anua" Eddie Henderson from Realization

The War On Sailing. Sundays, 7 to 9am. 91.7 fm KVRX Austin. Like you didn't know.

"War On Sailing" Playlist December 27, 2008

2009-01-26T17:30:00.003-06:00

A four-hour extravaganza played at year's end.

"Happy & Safe" Airfields from Up All Night
"Freedom Highway" Mavis Staples from Live: Hope At The Hideout
"Ooh Wee Baby" Carl Campbell from Shout Baby, Shout Roots Of Rock In Texas Boogie 1948-1950
"The Walk" Indian Jewelry from Perfect As Cats: A Tribute To The Cure

"Wait A Minute" Osbourne from Ghostly Swim
"Warm Architecture" Lorna from Writing Down Things To Say
"Speed Boat To Heaven" Alaska In Winter from Holiday
"Blow A Kiss" Lines from Flood Bank
"Bèlaya Bèlaya" Mahmoud Ahmed from Ethiopiques, Vol. 19: Alemye Mahmoud Ahmed

"Diseases Of Yore" MC Frontalot from Final Boss
"Feel It" Afros from Kickin' Afrolistics
"Dallas After Midnight" Brian Burns from Highways, Heartaches & Honky-Tonks
"Why Sting Is Such An Idiot" Allen Clapp & His Orchestra from One Hundred Percent Chance Of Rain
"Sea Sick" Love Is All from A Hundred Things Keep Me Up At Night

"Fresh Egg Boxes" Jazz Symphonics from The Beginning
"Don't Try" Meridene from You're Not Pretty, You're Worse
"Catfight" The Diving Captain from Catfight
"Ate It Twice" Boston Spaceships from Brown Submarine
"Open The Door" British Sea Power from Do You Like Rock Music?
"You Really Wake Up The Love In Me" The Duke Spirit from Neptune

"Shango" Michael Pugliese from Wendy Mae Chambers: 12 Squared
"Aslan Makes A Door In The Air" Rad Wolf from For Your Consideration
"Mr Roberts # 1" National Lampoon from That's Not Funny, That's Sick
"Abandon Ship" April Showers from Abandon Ship
"The Love Theme" Microfilm from The Slingshot Orchestra

"Mandinga" Novalima from Afro
"Cuando Maravilla Fui" El Guincho from Alegranza
"Painting" Atmosphere from When Life Gives You Lemons, You Paint That Shit Gold
"Wash Out" The Arch Cupcake from Wash Out EP

"Macho Beagl" eBunnygrunt from Standing Hampton 7"
"Say What You Feel" Cause Co-Motion from It's Time: Singles 2005-2008
"Pan Handle Rag" Buddy Charlton from Ernest Tubb Presents The Texas Troubadours
"The Hollerin' Mountains" State Bird from Mostly Ghostly
"How To Play The Bongos" Jack Costanzo from Ultra Lounge Vol. 15: Wild, Cool. & Swingin' Too

"It's Never That Easy Though, Is It?" Los Campesinos! from We Are Beautiful, We Are Doomed
"C'est La Vie (Disco Mix)" Caramel from Punkpopgaragemods
"Suite Bergamasque - III. Clair De Lune" Peter Frankl from Debussy: Piano Works, Vol. 1
"Words Of Advice" William S Burroughs from Spare Ass Annie & Other Tales
"The Place You Love Is Gone (Indian Giver)" Finally Punk from Hypertension 7"

"They Blow My Mind" Blair from Night Life
"Letter Codes" Build Buildings from Ceiling Lights From Street
"Taken To Antrim" Arliss Parker from Handsome Like A Lion
"Video Boys" Circuit 7 from Video Boys
"Robot Ponies" Laura Barrett from Nothing On But Your Radio: Live Sessions From CJSW 90.9

"Grooveyard" Harold Land from Harold In The Land Of Jazz
"You've Got Some Neck" Giraffe Running from Giraffe Running
"I Touch Myself" Genitorturers from Covered In Goth
"Bledstyle" Kasbah Rockers with Bill Laswell from Kasbah Rockers
"Topkapi" Transglobal Underground from International Times

"IGA" Sleepy John Estes With Hammie Nixon from On 80 Highway
"She Stays Drunk All The Time" Billy Bizor from Blues Masters
"Swing Swing Swing" David Soldier & Richard Lair from Thai Elephant Orchestra
"Sewn Two" Mountains from Sewn

Please note the new day & time for The War On Sailing: Sundays from 7 to 9am. On 91.7 KVRX Austin. I won't tell you again.

Yeah, yeah I will.

Arts &/Or Crafts

2009-01-27T14:25:00.002-06:00

The Never Clean live in the Untidy Areas where Nothing happens. Leaving aside their allegiance to the Filth & to Disaster, it's fully possible to imagine a political or cultural scenario where the Never Clean serve a purpose, never useful, always Insidious, for the Powers-That-Are. & my friends, not only has this happened repeatedly in the past few Whens, it may yet be happening Now.

It is a strange fact of sociology that, although there are the Never Clean, there are not the Always Clean. For although most people will tell you they live somewhere in the discomfort between Normality & Hyperbole, they can never quite achieve the latter. Don't get me wrong - it is inherently human that we strive toward the Hyperbole - & fall toward it, too, on its other end. Or else there would be the need for Cure songs. But that we can never reach the more happy Hyperbole (the unhappy Hyperbole would probably be eternal damnation, so perhaps we never reach that, either) is an essential part of our natures.

Perhaps, then, the Never Clean are also mythological, & this essay spoke out of turn. Frankly, the author of this essay had not expected to be blind-sided by a kind of inner dialogue more often reserved for the dog-end of a long night of drinking. There were many other insights that this essay was prepared to share, but, as it stands, they are rendered suspect by the admission that the Hyperbole can never be reached, whether the reach be grasping high or digging low. Therefore, the tag "Never Clean," containing, as it does, the Hyperbole in its own title, becomes a useless description of a class of humanity which this essay endeavored to show as willing tools to the Powers-That-Are.

Damn it! This always happens. Weeks of gathering data for examples & extrapolation are completely ruined by attempts at poetic turns of phrase. Oh well. Never mind, then.

Who's Who In The Minneapolis Zoo

2009-01-26T16:46:00.002-06:00

One might be forgiven for reading the above subject line & say to oneself or perhaps to another, sitting nearby, whom one has singled out as a person who might enjoy the gainsaying of a blog page, "There's no Minneapolis Zoo! There's the Minnesota Zoo, which is about twenty miles south of the Twin Cities, but there's no Minneapolis Zoo itself! What a mistake!"

I honestly worry about the sort of people who feel the need to quibble & nitpick in such a manner, not the least reason of which is the simple courtesy of questioning the assertion of the blog title. For example, this author might well be engaging in a "puff-piece" about the Minnesota Zoo, which is close enough to Minneapolis to engage in a "nickname" of sorts. As well, the author may well have been taking too many over-the-counter pain medications & may have simply "mis-print" the word, as he may have simply meant "Minnesota" but wrote "Minneapolis" because the words are so closely related. Or there may well be a Minneapolis Zoo that the person simply does not know about - which is entirely the case.

Because at the Minneapolis Zoo, the charges are not nature's creatures, caged for the perverse delight of so-called "free" people to view them as they live in mockeries of their natural habitats. No, the charges at the Minneapolis Zoo are none other than human beings themselves!

Scandal! Triptych! Diorama! It's more true than one might dare fear. & before there are other assumptions hurled at this writer, specifically ones about the underground human slave trade, I wish also to simply ask that the reader bear with me. True, the human slave trade has a very profitable hub in Minnesota, primarily because of all the lakes, but the Minneapolis Zoo has a different sinister scheme, one being replicated in many dying industrial cities across the United States & Europe, which is this: the displaying of human beings in mockeries of their natural habitats.

Imagine, if you will, a housewife abducted from her Tupperware bacchanalia in Rochester & put on display in a glass-case as a representative of the "Now Generation." Or an aging golfer on the fourteenth hole in the Boca Raton Community Gardens snatched away & placed at a kitchen table as an example of a grandparent with Alzheimer's. Or three children from a reform school in John McCain, Arizona, dressed as hip-hop artists & forced to reenact historically inaccurate gang violence for a wide-eyed, affluent audience. This is the Minneapolis Zoo. This is what the powers-that-be are doing in our crumbling economy.

Outraged? You ought to be. Instead, you're given an invitation, & though you imagine leopards with cancerous scrotal tumors belching at you behind plexiglass, what you get is far more intriguing: a bevy of unhappy southern women beating up black men as a demonstration of the "PUMA" of the last election cycle. Or a Chicano worker dressed as Santa Claus being forced to sleep cold nights in the Wal-Mart power-tool department. Or an overgrown lawn to which a sorority girl & a member of the cast of one of the cancelled "Law & Order" shows have been inexplicably tied, to represent god-knows-what.

These are the things the rich, famous, lucky, disturbed, politically well-connected, & media-employed are not only watching but fostering. This author received an invitation accidentally; it was meant for my nearest neighbor, a giant corporation dedicated to polluting America's lakes & rivers. I went, & discovered something so awful it makes Cirque Du Soleil seem as innocuous as Ban De Soleil.

Skeptics are invited to seek their own "New City Zoos." There are reported ones in Dallas, Vancouver, Los Angeles (not hard to find), Denver, Pittsburgh, Portland, Des Moines, & Lexington. They are expanding - & more & more innocent people may be involved. A crisis is brewing of national import - please learn more before you too become just another exhibit!

As a postscript: Xhibit the rapper is not currently an exhibit.

"War On Sailing" Playlist December 11, 2008

2009-01-20T12:46:00.002-06:00

"Pukarta Chala Hoon Main" Mohammad Rafi from The Ultimate Sixties Collection
"Dark Autumn Hour" Frontier Ruckus from The Orion Songbook
"Austin-Tatious" Dave Biller & Travis County Pickin' from Texas Boogie: A Collection Of Texas Songs
"You're The Top" Patricia Barber from The Cole Porter Mix
"Papa's Gone" Fred Gardner's Texas University Troubadours from Jazz In Texas 1924-1930

"Mingus" I'm From Barcelona from Who Killed Harry Houdini
"The Impossible Years" Graham Gouldman from The Graham Gouldman Thing
"Play" Chop Chop from Screens
"Still Island (Still'n'Slow Mix)" DJ Krush from Steppin' Stones: The Self-Remixed Best Soundscapes
"Oh My" Arliss Parker from Handsome Like A Lion
"I'm Back" Lowkey from Dear Listener

"Mambo No. 8" Perez Prado from The Best Of Perez Prado
"Hound Dog" Big Mama Thornton from Big Mama Thornton: The Complete Vanguard Recordings
"Bring It On Home" Sam Cooke from The Man & His Music
"Crayon Box" Gerbils from Are You Sleepy?
"American Pep" Imperial Marimba Band from American Pep
"Psyko" Laika & The Cosmonauts from Cosmopolis 1988-2008
"Hips & Abdomen" Cathi Stout from Believercise

"Lo Mismo" Ana D Que Tú from Satelite 99
"O Casamento Da Raposa" Nicolas Krassik from Caçuá
"Salvation" Isobel Campbell & Mark Lanegan from Sunday At Devil Dirt
"Ballad Of Charles Whitman" Kinky Friedman from New Testaments & Old Revelations
"Sinner's Prayer" Lowell Fulson from Broadcasting The Blues
"Can't Explain How It Happened" Ivory Joe Hunter from Complete Stax-Volt Singles 1959-1968

"Nova" Nomo from Ghost Rock
"Be Still My Soul" Kosuke Mine Quartet from Yellow Coccus In The Blue Sky
"Guy In Traffic" Louis CK from Live In Houston
"Alfred Hitchcock" Mockingbirds from Mockingbirds
"Still Frame (Lusine Remix)" Lusine from Podgelism
"Image-Autumn-Womb" Goldmund from The Malady Of Elegance

It may have happened over a month ago - in a different year, even - but this playlist has exactly the same relevance it had when first it was played. & then, not so much. Please listen to the new season of "The War On Sailing" starting Sunday the 26th only on KVRX. At 7am. Yeah, sorry about that.

Stayed Of Execution

2009-01-20T12:29:00.002-06:00

Good news! Bad news! Someone put cheese on my sandwich news!

Yes, kind floorboards, "The War On Sailing" radio show has been renewed on KVRX 91.7 fm Austin for another few months. We campaigned against it. We made a viral video with a virus in a music video, but to no avail. It seems too much of a good thing is not important in this grey area we are starting to call "Obama's America." I don't want to have to keep up, but I suppose I shall.

This time around we'll be "pulling out all the stops." By which I mean, the buses will not stop in the regular places. Why? All the bus stops have been pulled out. It'll be smooth sailing for the bus, from the garage & back. It no longer even needs to stop at red lights. It's a worry-free bus. Like the bus in "Speed." Without the bomb or Keanu Reeves.

Which is my way of saying that "The War On Sailing," once very nearly listenable, may yet be. & we have something of a chore ahead of us, as the show will air on Sunday mornings from 7 to 9am Central Standard Time, when the only people awake are in the drunk tank from the night before (or in church - same difference). It shall be a long road & we shall limp feebly down it, only to wake up somewhere someday thinking, "Did I really just kill a hobo?"

Please listen. The rest is yet to come.

"War On Sailing" Playlist November 27, 2008

2008-12-15T16:42:00.003-06:00

Two shows aired on November 27. Both are explicated below.

Morning:
"Satan's Doll" Art Van Damme from Accordion A La Mode/A Perfect Match
"The Millions Too Many" A Northern Chorus from Nothing On But Your Radio: Live Sessions From CJSW 90.9
"Like A Tiger" Fourth Of July from Fourth Of July On The Plains
"Letter From God To Man" Dan Le Sac Vs. Scroobius Pip from Angles
"Armed & Dangerous" P.K.O. from Radio Rhythm

"Fool In Rain" Pivot from O Soundtrack My heart
"4 Dead Monks" Red Snapper from Making Bones
"How To Catch A Lizard" Larkin Grimm from Parplar
"Austin City Girls" Mark Zeus from Thunderboltz
"Futuro Futuro" Whales & Cops from Great Bouncing Icebergs

"Les Confidences D'Un Joueur De Clarinette Op. 141 (1934) (Dirk Altman, Clarinet)" Charles Koechlin from Music For Clarinet
"Ton Up Boy" Morecambe & Wise from Classic British Comedy
"Love Makes A Woman" Barbara Acklin from Beg, Scream, Shout: The Big Ol' Box Of 60's Soul
"Black Man Time" I Roy from Arise Rootsman: Trojan Roots 1965 - 1983
"Siwula & Carsten Radtke" Blaise from Was It The Eastside

"Crazy Crazy" Chris from Chris!
"Tora Tora Tora" Pretty & Nice from Get Young
"Jesus Grow A Handlebar Moustache For Me" Pataphysics from Take A Look Out Your Window
"Water" Hanway Troof from Islands Of Ayle
"Riptides" Dub Pistols from Six Million Ways To Live
"Hashouma" Kasbah Rockers with Bill Laswell from Kasbah Rockers

"My Woman Has A Black Cat Bone" Hop Wilson from Houston Ghetto Blues
"Taildragger" Gravelroad from Shot The Devil
"I've Never Gone To Bed With An Ugly Woman" Bobby Bare from Drunk & Crazy
"The Blue Danube" Music Box from Music Box Dances Played On Victorian Musical Boxes

"Tribute To Beethoven" Mart-ie from Avant-Garde Grandpa
"Inky-Dinky Spider" Kids Next Door from Hey! Look What I Found Vol. 7

Night:
"Eat Y'Self Fitter" The Fall from Perverted By Language
"Last Choice" Love Is All from A Hundred Things Keep Me Up At Night
"Pushover" Bearsuit from Pushover
"In A Different Light" Discount Chiefs from Messthetics #104 DIY '77-81 South Wales 1
"She's The One" Wry Catchers from History Of Texas Garage Bands In The 60's Vol. 4: West Texas

"One Note Samba" Postmarks from By The Numbers
"Ballad Of John & Yoko" Los Nortes Americanos from Tijuana Beatles
"Unripened Fruit" Quitzow from Art College
"Culture Is Not Your Friend" Abakus from We Share The Same Dreams
"Girls" Walter Meego from Voyager

"The Little Red Caboose" Henry Thomas from Texas Blues: Early Blues Masters From The Lone Star State
"Let Us Make A Record" Sister Gertrude Morgan from Let Us Make A Record
"Zen Gospel Singing" Limeliters from Until We Get It Right!
"Let's Eat" Firesign Theatre from Forward Into The Past
"Martian Theme Song" Satellite Singers from My Favorite Martian

"The King James Version Pt. 2" D-Frost Beats from G.A.M.M Allstars Doin James
"Slow Motion" Afrique from Soul Makossa
"Blue Boy" Orange Juice from Hallam Foe OST
"Going To Heaven To See If It Rains" Close Lobsters from Going To Heaven To See If It Rains
"Transformer" Marnie Stern from This Is it...

"Theme From Star Trek" Maynard Ferguson from Hot
"Hungry Fraser Dub" Mad Professor from The Dubs That Time Forgot
"Early Warning" Standing Waves from Early Warning 7"
"One Hundred Hundred" Low Red Center from Low Red Center
"You Better You Bet" Binghampton Crosbys from Roadtrip To Munzville

"The Eight Seasons Of Chromalox" Chromalox from The Eight Seasons Of Chromalox
"Ich Bin Blau" Torfrock from Volle Pulle!
"Grebo Guru" Pop Will Eat Itself from Box Frenzy
"My Guru" Dan The Automator from Bombay The Hard Way

Look for the War On Sailing radio show during the end of this year & the beginning of the next... It could be anywhere!

"War On Sailing" Playlist December 4, 2008

2008-12-17T13:16:00.001-06:00

The penultimate regularly scheduled War On Sailing radio program went something like this:

"These Things Take Time" Brunettes from Mars Loves Venus
"Sugar Glass" Soft Targets from Heavy Rainbow
"Superman" Clique from The Clique
"Would You Have Me Born With Wooden Eyes" James Yorkston from When the Haar Rolls In
"You Can't Buy Love In A Bottle" Floyd Tillman from Floyd Tillman's Country

"You Are The Best Thing" Ray La Montagne from Gossip In The Grain
"Wild Mab Of The Fish Pond" Charlie Barnet from 1940 Vol. 2
"Intention" Josh Gabriel from Eight
"You Are A Commodity" Landau from Thepicompromise
"Something To Write Home About" I Am Robot & Proud from Uphill City

"All Love Broke Loose" Wink Martindale from Hey! Look What I Found! Vol. 7
"Letter To The Better (Remix)" Masta Ace from Take A Look Around
"We're Turning Again" Frank Zappa from Have I Offended Someone?
"Op. 34: XV Fugue" London Symphony Orchestra from Benjamin Britten: Young Person's Guide To The Orchestra

"FCC Station Identification Regulations" Cary Grant from The Circle 1939
"Give It Up Or Turn It Loose" DJ Ayres from G.A.M.M Allstars Doin James
"Tonk-A-Lonk" Cal Green from Wild & Funky Sax & Guitar
"Sportif (Sportsman)" Youssou N'Dour from Rokku Mi Rokka
"Omuti Tide" Fela Kuti from Koola Lobitos 1964-1968 - The '69 Los Angeles Sessions

"Make You See" A Block Of Yellow from Do I Do
"Nobody Noticed" Prats from Now That's What I Call Prats Music
"I Remember" Whitley from The Submarine
"Coffee's Cold" Abigail Washburn from Song Of The Traveling Daughter
"We Are But Rats Onto Its Bone" Aidan Coughlan from Mystery's Mist

"Sing Sing Sing" Randy Van Horn Singers from Sing A Song Of Benny Goodman
"Hooray For Hollywood/Spanish Flea" The George Garabedian Players & The Awful Trumpet Of Harry Arms from Hooray For Hollywood
"Another Girl, Another Planet" London Punkharmonic Orchestra from Symphony Of Destruction (Punk Goes Classical)

"Hoot Your Belly" Jimmy Williams from Not The Same Old Blues Crap 3
"Morning Breaks The Sleep Record" Halves from Haunt Me When I'm Drowsy
"Poor Ellen Smith" Ted Lundy & The Southern Mountain Boys from Best Loved Bluegrass: 20 All-Time Favorites

Actually, it went exactly like that. Minus a few quibbles. Not to worry.

For Close Comfort, Too

2008-12-17T12:52:00.004-06:00

Reasonably priced, exceptionally well-worn. All-weather, seasonally sound. Vetted by over twelve product-liability organizations including but not limited to Damaged Newborn Incorporated, Smashy The Car, Elevensies, Head Neck & Shoulder Trauma 'R' Us, Weather Prophecy UK, Sempleton Smear, & Dolores Rainier, PhD. Focus-group tested in all Western & most Eastern European countries as well as most of the "red" states of these United States except Louisiana & Alberta. Subject to rigorous hypotheticals at food fairs & fun runs during the hot summer of 2007 & part of the warm autumn of 2006. Trendy but singular. Dependable, reliable, controversial, standard. Kid-safe, animal-friendly, for use in virtually every home, rented or foreclosed-upon. Solar powered (no batteries required) or operational with old-fashioned alternating current. For use with ages six months & up although you must be at least one meter tall to ride the ride. Not available for sale in "dry" counties or the Low Countries. Limited amounts so stock up today. Patents pending, patents impending, registered trademark, no contract, limited license. No signature or blood work required; acceptable use of the product implies understanding of property rights. Unacceptable use of the product is not recommended. Salt-free, fat-free, lactose-intolerant, manufactured on machines that may or may not have processed peanuts, coca leaves, or low-income families. Chemically neutral unless operated with alcoholic machinery. Happily the product is refunded if not entirely satisfied. Today's solution for tomorrow's youthful indiscretions. Kosher, no animal products intended, safe for diabetics & megalomaniacs. The taste grows on you. The growth tastes like you. A transformation of sensation for the "do it" generation. Ask for it by name! Tell your friends about it by name! Enjoy it by name!

The War On Sailing Radio Show: Interruption In Proceedings

2008-12-15T16:38:00.003-06:00

Alas, the War On Sailing radio show known as "The War On Sailing," which has tarnished the airwaves for months now Thursday mornings on KVRX 91.7 fm will be on hiatus for a short time while the checks clear. Host Vance Chamberlain & associates will occasionally pop up on the frequency as events conspire, but please watch this space for developments. Thanks to all the kind listeners as well as the unkind non-listeners. You make the War On Sailing the single most important event in the history of the universe (Earth division).

Playlists will be updated slowly. Be patient with the mentally challenged robot in charge.

"War On Sailing" Playlist November 20, 2008

2008-12-02T13:05:00.002-06:00

Look! Another playlist! Inconveniently posted nearly two weeks after the show! Can we help you more?

"Rusalka's Song To The Moon" Stan Lippeatt & Thoresby Colliery (Joy Mining) Band from Friends
"Silimu Yaheeza Abantu (AIDS Has Finished Our People)" Kanihiro Group from Singing For Life
"Atide" Kotoja from Essential Afrobeat
"Snoopy Waves" Deerhoof from Offend Maggie
"Static" Zom Zoms from Business Deal Top 40 Of 2005

"Too Thirsty 4 Love" Quintron from Too Thirsty For Love
"Let's Break Into The 80's" Master Genius from Let's Break Into The 80's
"Hammerwerk" Der Hässliche D from Ganz Einfach
"Existence" Bugge Wesseltoft from Sharing Sonet
"Bright & Shining" Koushik from Out My Window

"A Sleepin' Bee" June Christy from Off Beat
"My Old Man" Smothers Brothers from Think Ethnic
"Pills" Allan Sherman from My Son The Box
"Accordingly" Chris Whitley from Dirt Floor
"Money Talk" Willie Big Eyes Smith from Born In Arkansas
"Oh John" Jimmy Reed from Just Jimmy Reed

"White Elephants" Panda Riot from She Dares All Things
"Blue Nile" Gang Gang Dance from Saint Dymphna
"Cab Riding Hobbyists" Eight Frozen Modules from Random Activities & Broken Sunsets
"Ding Dong The Witch Is Dead" Klaus Nomi from Simple Man
"Beatitudes" Cars & Trains from Rusty String

"Villduprovaden" Ehlmsie Rocon from Alba Absurdia
"Get Up Edina" Desmond Dekker from Original Rude Boy
"Funny Man" King Reggie from Best Of Sioux Label: Heavy Reggae From 1971-1972
"Under Pressure" Xiu Xiu from Women As Lovers

"Texas Tea" Jack Teagarden from Introduction To Jack Teagarden: His Best Recordings Best Of Jazz
"Time Nor Tide" Hank Locklin from Please Help Me I'm Falling
"Jesus Is My Air-O-Plane" Mother McCollum from Guitar Evangelists (1928-1951)
"Sweet Sunny South" Tommy Jarrell from The Legacy Of Tommy Jarrell, Vol. 3: Come & Go With Me

The War On Sailing airs Thursday mornings from 5 to 7am on 91.7 fm KVRX Austin, & you can listen live at kvrx.org. If you are so inclined. Be so inclined.

Panda Crisis Escalated!

2008-12-02T12:42:00.002-06:00

From the newswire:

"Continuing Panda Crisis worsening Hollywood Hills! Moreover standard Edward Asner Emmy-Nominated Takeover! Cast-iron Container unusable in Current Predicament! Let's Sandpaper Mutual Protection Team Temporary scanning Opportunity!"

From the editorial pages:

"Never before in the vertiginous heights of alacrity has headline fervor so infected and delighted an impassive populace as the indefatigable pronouncements of the risible news media."

From the on-the-spot commentary:

"Panda pretty! Pretty panda! Panda wanna eucalyptus leaf? Panda wanna? Panda? Wanna? Uh? Uh! My hand! My hand!"

From the bloggers (present company excluded):

"The MSM is AWOL on WTF is happening in CPC. If the PTB haven't LTM, we're still looking at SOL PDQ SVP."

From the man on the woman on the street:

"Panda Crisis? I'm more worried about my wife. I've been standing on her for days & she looks unfazed!"

From the Panda King:

"There will be yet time for bells & whistles. Today, though, more treasure & blood. More treasure & blood my lovelies! More treasure! More blood!"

To be continual!