Ah, there we are. I thought we'd lost you.
Friends of this discipline, I apologize for my absence. Not only from this scholarly compendium, but also from the work altogether. It may seem trite or at the very least dull to say "My mom made me get a job," but surely we can appreciate the succinctness & pith of such a simple sentence! We can also appreciate how disastrous to this field of inquiry it would be if I had to move out of the basement where I keep all the files. Alas, six months disappear & all I have to show for it is car payments & a crush on a food prep specialist named Mandy.
As I sit here, feeding the cats on the this, the last day of what will surely be known as 2007, I am tempted to reflect upon the difficulties I've faced - me in particular - in challenging the dominant paradigm of a bullying nation. I am tempted to be reflective upon the gradual shift in University-brand scholarship which, for some reason, seems to allow people from other countries to look over & even critique your writings. I am tempted to get my ass in gear because I gotta be at the Whataburger in thirty. Which makes the other temptations frivolous indeed!
There are many insights to be gleaned from my recent experience, not the least of which is the death of the word "employee" in favor of the more cumbersome "associate," & I promise to continue with this continuous history in the new year. My deepest apologies to you for not keeping you up-to-date with my whereabouts & happenings. I so totally didn't add you as a friend on myspace, & I regret it now.
To Alabaster, one of the most ridiculous factory farmers I know: I will prepare your request for a history of innard-prophecies as soon as I can.
To Sybil, she who writes everything on the backs on cans: I cannot thank you enough for your research into the nefarious goings-on of the Campbell soup corporation. I will include it in my upcoming expose of soup in general.
To Ethan & Earl, keepers of the sacred audio collection: please stop prank calling me & playing back recordings I made as a ten year old. Dudes, we have caller ID. Mom says she'll call the cops.
To Jerry, Geoffrey & Jude: Bowling night was fun. Let's do it again. Only this time, let's bowl!
To Randolph & his PhD clan: While I can't offer academic credit for the work you're sending me, I can offer store credit. Use Chart 5A to see how we translate research into valuable prizes.
To The Society For The Second Self, Inc: Jesus, you know how to push buttons, don't you?
& finally to you, gentle reader: I shan't be away for such a length absence again. Unless I need to get offline to ditch my creditors. You know how it is. It cost a shitload of cash to get that portable scanner & all that whiskey. I had to go into a little debt. I'll let you know if/when I'll be adopting a clever pseudonym.
To the future, then! 2008 will be the year that the whole world - at least more than now - are aware of the War On Sailing!
