News Item! An Introduction To Slovenly Prostitution!

Thanks to the "Great Recession," the relatively easy-to-imagine occupation of prostitution may be granted "equal status" among other serf-like employments as clerk & person-who-fetches-things. Economists with low self-esteem have begun writing dirges to imagined fallen comrades, replete with exotic venereal diseases. Scores of terrifyingly made-up women whose only job hurdle was once the remoteness of logging concerns have now found themselves in major American cities.

Said one bespectacled fellow on the occasion of an understaffed news report: "Certainly new ideas ought & should be considered alongside the old ideas which we have frankly lost respect for. In this century, let it not be said we abandoned castles & keeps, but that we fortified like a daily vitamin the nutritiousness of our malnourished American system with the most important meal of the soul."

As expected, biker groups & the asthmatic have proven worthy adversaries in online simulations. The popularity of television-show-flavored mints & ammunition fueled speculation among the declining & the so inclined about whether "this" might make it all the way to "their town." A meeting of Republican governors resulted in a predictable arm-wrestling match, as well as three reported cases of pink eye.

Who among the citizenry might cleverly arrange the flowers of our times into a vast rainbow conspiracy? Even those who can't believe that John Denver is dead still manage to spend too much time looking but not touching. So too the woes of a country in a state of disarray have come to feel like a portly dentist faced with the meth-mouth of history. As expectations are properly bandied about, neutral observers watch, learn, & otherwise look a little smug.