You think wrestling is fake, don't you? Admit it! Over 90% of wrestling fans who have more than a middle school reading level do. (That's over 10% of wrestling fans!) But this fact does not diminish their joy and appreciation of "professional wrestling."
It may surprise you (if anything surprises you anymore, you jaded bastard) that wrestling, in addition to being a delightful diversion from one's health issues, crippling poverty, lack of opportunity, and political powerlessness, is another of the means that the so-called oppressors and their hegemonic forces use to communicate with one another their exploitative plans. A study at Von Erich University just outside of Denton, Texas, confirms what most ringside hand-wringers always feared.
The study, written by a scientist who wears a scary mask, suggests that the elaborate storylines in wrestling may be used to predict earth-shaking global trends, which are often unleashed upon an unsuspecting world by multinational corporations under the secret name, "larks." For example, a thinly-veiled homoerotic rivalry may indicate the support or opposition of marriage equality issues in a particular geographical location. Another example may be that the amount of silicon injected in a hapless female wrestler's bosom might be a signal about buying or stealing mining rights from an indigenous people's area in an upcoming coup d'etat. A careful study of the world of wrestling may indeed reap tremendous insight from scholars and cranks who pore through journals and television to understand what's really happening in the War On Sailing.
Why hasn't this been explored more enthusiastically? Says one scholar, "Well, you know. You'd have to watch wrestling."
