The State Of Emergency was declared too late! The show must go on!
"Suite No. 3 For Cello: Bourree" Pablo Casals from My First Record
"Hejran" Niyaz Nine Heavens from Six Degrees
"Map Of Dusk" Bombay Dub Orchestra from 3 Cities
"When My Dream" Bart Davenport from Palaces
"Walking The Dog" Eric Weber from Picking Up Girls Made Easy
"Face First" Impossibles from Ska Sucks
"Hands In The Air" Mighty Underdogs from Droppin' Science Fiction
"Nie Nett (Sleepwalker Remix) (feat Das Bo & Ferris MC)" Absolute Beginner from Boombule: The Remixed Album
"103" Whispertown 2000 from Swim
"Don't Go To Heaven Alone" Believers from Hallelujah Hoedown
"Sing It Sweet" Boulder Acoustic Society from The Caged Bird
"Don't You Feel My Leg" Blue Lu Barker from 1946-1949
"Pink & Black" Sonny Fisher from Rockin' Bones: 1950's Punk & Rockabilly
"Flat Foot Floogie" Mills Brothers & Louis Armstrong from The 1930's Recordings - Chronological Volume 5
"Window Pane" Coil from Love's Secret Domain
"Delta Bay" Empire Of The Sun from Walking On A Dream
"Lux Lisbon Is A Stone Fox" Rad Wolf from For Your Consideration!
"My Sweetheart" Cedric Burnside & Lightnin' Malcolm from 2 Man Wrecking Crew
"You Better Hold Me" James Reed from Bay Area Blues Blasters
"Ghostly Appearance" Karl Blau from Nature's Got Away
"Fox On The Run" Dondero High School A Capella Choir from Pop Concert 1996
"Down The Mountain" Annuals from Such Fun
"Dutch Kitchen Bounce" Arnett Cobb from The Wild Man From Texas
"Easy Going Freak" Fred Anderson/Hamid Drake from From The Ocean To The River
"Le Diable" Jacques Brel from Jacques Brel - Grand Jacques
"Led Zeppelin" Michael Mills from Hidden & Satanic Messages In Rock Music
"She's Crazy About Her Lovin'" Mississippi Sheiks from Stop & Listen
"Singing In The Bathtub" R Crumb & His Cheap Suit Serenaders from Singing In The Bathtub
"Cigarettes & Whiskey" Ramblin' Jack Elliott from Thank You For Smoking OST
Don't let curfew keep you from listening! Wake up at 5am & listen till 7am every Thursday on 91.7 fm KVRX Austin, & online at kvrx.org! Stay away fascist! You're not welcome here!
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Genuflection For Our Time
As we approach (with approbation) another holiday season, emphasis ought to be given, we feel, to imaginary traditions, never practiced or followed, before we kowtow to the (frankly) blatantly Iron Age rituals we use our platinum credit cards to observe.
The War On Sailing would like everyone to begin the holiday season by handing out maps to different cities or countries (you can buy them in used bookstores or steal them from used gas stations) to strangers you happen to meet while out & about. The National Geographic maps from different periods of time are especially fun. Offer no explanation, simply say, "Have a map!" If pressed, perhaps you can tell everyone you're an out-of-work cartographer.
The War On Sailing encourages the substitution of tofu for virtually every normal holiday foodstuff, at least half the time. Tofurkey, tofu nog, tofu candy canes - there are any number of confusing substitutions you can make that will have at least one uncle leaving in a huff pretending to quote the Bible.
The War On Sailing appreciates the atonal or otherwise stony delivery of your favorite carol. Imagine how Nico would sing it, & there you are. Reciting them as if you're a modern poet in a modern poetry reading is also fine. The key is to convince others you're "reimagining" the stodgy seasonal ditty, while really you're just trying to annoy.
Lest you think that the War On Sailing wants to replace "good tidings & good cheer" with "confusion & spite" as the target emotions for the yuletide, we want to encourage more than good wishes - we demand you be supportive. For even the most rudimentary of tasks, you should shout, "Excellent work!" Often call for "three cheers!" for a co-worker or a family member who needs a boost. Serial hand-shaking is also much desired. The more folks shake hands, you know, the less they have palm-space for guns, knives, or other implements of violence.
The War On Sailing would also ask that the more mischievous of you make a habit of gainsaying during the month of December. This is especially delightful with political-minded relatives or friends, & works with both the liberal- & the conservative-minded. Preface any remark to a strident opinion with, "Do you really think that's true?" Of course they will, so you can follow with, "I just don't think that's true." Most people of this ilk will strive to prove their point, & it takes virtually no knowledge of the subject matter to simply deny an assertion out of hand. Exasperation for them can mean hilarity for you!
Finally, the War On Sailing reminds you that killing a tradition is not nearly as dishonorable as it seems. Slavery, female circumcision, bowl game parades - these are all "traditions" which are considered morally reprehensible by most persons in the universe today, but once upon a time they were accepted, even defended, by the vast majority of people. Alas, they were never truly replaced with an opposite number, & that's the task we've set out for you.
If only to have a little fun, this holiday season, kick your favorite tradition where it counts.
The War On Sailing would like everyone to begin the holiday season by handing out maps to different cities or countries (you can buy them in used bookstores or steal them from used gas stations) to strangers you happen to meet while out & about. The National Geographic maps from different periods of time are especially fun. Offer no explanation, simply say, "Have a map!" If pressed, perhaps you can tell everyone you're an out-of-work cartographer.
The War On Sailing encourages the substitution of tofu for virtually every normal holiday foodstuff, at least half the time. Tofurkey, tofu nog, tofu candy canes - there are any number of confusing substitutions you can make that will have at least one uncle leaving in a huff pretending to quote the Bible.
The War On Sailing appreciates the atonal or otherwise stony delivery of your favorite carol. Imagine how Nico would sing it, & there you are. Reciting them as if you're a modern poet in a modern poetry reading is also fine. The key is to convince others you're "reimagining" the stodgy seasonal ditty, while really you're just trying to annoy.
Lest you think that the War On Sailing wants to replace "good tidings & good cheer" with "confusion & spite" as the target emotions for the yuletide, we want to encourage more than good wishes - we demand you be supportive. For even the most rudimentary of tasks, you should shout, "Excellent work!" Often call for "three cheers!" for a co-worker or a family member who needs a boost. Serial hand-shaking is also much desired. The more folks shake hands, you know, the less they have palm-space for guns, knives, or other implements of violence.
The War On Sailing would also ask that the more mischievous of you make a habit of gainsaying during the month of December. This is especially delightful with political-minded relatives or friends, & works with both the liberal- & the conservative-minded. Preface any remark to a strident opinion with, "Do you really think that's true?" Of course they will, so you can follow with, "I just don't think that's true." Most people of this ilk will strive to prove their point, & it takes virtually no knowledge of the subject matter to simply deny an assertion out of hand. Exasperation for them can mean hilarity for you!
Finally, the War On Sailing reminds you that killing a tradition is not nearly as dishonorable as it seems. Slavery, female circumcision, bowl game parades - these are all "traditions" which are considered morally reprehensible by most persons in the universe today, but once upon a time they were accepted, even defended, by the vast majority of people. Alas, they were never truly replaced with an opposite number, & that's the task we've set out for you.
If only to have a little fun, this holiday season, kick your favorite tradition where it counts.
Monday, November 24, 2008
"War On Sailing" Playlist November 10, 2008
This was not actually a "War On Sailing" show, but a sub show for "Gobblins For Breakfast." However, it wears the "War On Sailing" seal of approval as it should.
"Manners Can Be Fun" Frank Luther from Manners Can Be Fun
"Island Life" I Am Robot & Proud from Uphill City
"Phones, Machines & King Kong (feat. Daniel Johnston)" B. Fleischmann from Angst Is Not A Weltanschauung
"Lover Man" Jennifer Hartswick from Putumayo Presents Women of Jazz
"Sweet Safronia" Slim & Slam from Slim & Slam: 1938-1939
"Oh What A Feeling" The Organ from Thieves
"Photoshop" Sparks from Exotic Creatures Of The Deep
"Lesson 3 (History Of Hip Hop)" Steinski from What Does it All Mean?
"The Queen & I" Justified Ancients Of Mu Mu from 1987 What The Fuck's Going On?
"Behind The Mask" Eccodek from Shivaboom
"Telstar" Colonel Elliott & The Lunatics from Star Trek/Interstellar Reggae Drive
"Shine Your Monkey" Persian Market from Psychedelic States: Texas In The 60's Vol. 1
"Don't Let The Joneses Get You Down" Temptations from Emperors Of Soul
"Es Ist Schon Spät" Ilka Lux from Es Ist Schon Spät
"Whistle" Sporto Kantes from Un Hexagone Pop Multicolore
"Computer Toy" Sputnik Booster from Robot Science
"Automatic Lover" Teddybears from Automatic Lover
"Disney's Ice Parade" Ballboy from I Worked On The Ships
"California In Popular Song" Lucksmiths from First Frost
"The Exploding Boy" Lemon Sun from Perfect As Cats: A Tribute To The Cure
"What Goes On" Meat Purveyors from More Songs About Buildings & Cows
"Rock & Roll" Ramonalisas from Rock & Roll
"Ode To Abner" Human Highway from Moody Motorcycle
"I Don't Have A Job" Majestic 12 from Searching For The Elvis Knob
"This Time Next Year" Cause Co-Motion from It's Time: Singles 2005-2008
"L-Y" Tom Lehrer from The Remains Of Tom Lehrer
"Goth Girls" MC Frontalot from Nerdcore Rising
"Drugs" This Mortal Coil from Filigree & Shadow
"Bo Mambo" Yma Sumac from Mambo
"And She Sang" Puppini Sisters from The Rise & Fall Of Ruby Woo
The War On Sailing airs, you know, Thursdays from 5 to 7am on 91.7 fm KVRX Austin. You may listen live online at kvrx.org. So why don't you?
"Manners Can Be Fun" Frank Luther from Manners Can Be Fun
"Island Life" I Am Robot & Proud from Uphill City
"Phones, Machines & King Kong (feat. Daniel Johnston)" B. Fleischmann from Angst Is Not A Weltanschauung
"Lover Man" Jennifer Hartswick from Putumayo Presents Women of Jazz
"Sweet Safronia" Slim & Slam from Slim & Slam: 1938-1939
"Oh What A Feeling" The Organ from Thieves
"Photoshop" Sparks from Exotic Creatures Of The Deep
"Lesson 3 (History Of Hip Hop)" Steinski from What Does it All Mean?
"The Queen & I" Justified Ancients Of Mu Mu from 1987 What The Fuck's Going On?
"Behind The Mask" Eccodek from Shivaboom
"Telstar" Colonel Elliott & The Lunatics from Star Trek/Interstellar Reggae Drive
"Shine Your Monkey" Persian Market from Psychedelic States: Texas In The 60's Vol. 1
"Don't Let The Joneses Get You Down" Temptations from Emperors Of Soul
"Es Ist Schon Spät" Ilka Lux from Es Ist Schon Spät
"Whistle" Sporto Kantes from Un Hexagone Pop Multicolore
"Computer Toy" Sputnik Booster from Robot Science
"Automatic Lover" Teddybears from Automatic Lover
"Disney's Ice Parade" Ballboy from I Worked On The Ships
"California In Popular Song" Lucksmiths from First Frost
"The Exploding Boy" Lemon Sun from Perfect As Cats: A Tribute To The Cure
"What Goes On" Meat Purveyors from More Songs About Buildings & Cows
"Rock & Roll" Ramonalisas from Rock & Roll
"Ode To Abner" Human Highway from Moody Motorcycle
"I Don't Have A Job" Majestic 12 from Searching For The Elvis Knob
"This Time Next Year" Cause Co-Motion from It's Time: Singles 2005-2008
"L-Y" Tom Lehrer from The Remains Of Tom Lehrer
"Goth Girls" MC Frontalot from Nerdcore Rising
"Drugs" This Mortal Coil from Filigree & Shadow
"Bo Mambo" Yma Sumac from Mambo
"And She Sang" Puppini Sisters from The Rise & Fall Of Ruby Woo
The War On Sailing airs, you know, Thursdays from 5 to 7am on 91.7 fm KVRX Austin. You may listen live online at kvrx.org. So why don't you?
Do Cell Phones Cause Male Pattern Baldness?
It behooves you - as well as I - as well as they - to keep track of the current literature, specifically the scientific literature - also, the airport-novel literature, but that's for another essay - on how human beings constantly create things - we call it "technology" - the effects of which we not only fail to foresee, but also we choose to deny or ignore. Until, of course, it is far past too late.
Cellular phones, invented by the Romans but not feasible for mass production until the Nazis, came into their own in the late 20th century. Powered by the body scrapings of ghouls, these helpful communication devices have proliferated to the point that, in the United States alone, even the unborn are offered cell phone plans. But wait! I hear you interrupt. Parts of ghouls? Wouldn't that make them radioactive? Of course it would.
Below are some common claims about cell phone effects & the latest scientific responses to them. Please take them with a healthy dose of skepticism. If you see something you know to be false, text me.
Claim # 1: Cell phones feed off the plasma in your blood.
True. Ghouls, while perfectly fine as a power source for jumbo jets & all-night raves in abandoned warehouses, need human blood plasma to sustain themselves - even in tiny pieces - over long periods of time. The Catholic Church pioneered ghoul technology after they exploded the first atomic bomb in 1254 CE, but ghoul technology remains hopelessly misunderstood - partly because the church tends to fund more grants to prove the Bible can zip around in the air by itself.
Claim # 2: Ringtones are codes designed for secretly communicating with alien circus freaks.
Undetermined. The rise of alien circus freaks in most of the world's alien interactions has coincided with the rise of cell phone technology. However, as captured alien circus freaks have apparently only mastered Esperanto, it's impossible as yet to know why they have begun visiting Earth en masse. If you speak Esperanto, please contact your local alien apprehension squad. If you cannot find your local alien apprehension squad, please look in the phone book under "contact lens repair." There. That's them.
Claim # 3: A cellular phone can distill liquor.
False. Who told you that, anyway?
Claim # 4: Several legislative bodies all over the globe, including the United States, are debating adding amendments to their respective incorporation documents guaranteeing their citizens the right to a cell phone.
Undetermined. But would it surprise you?
Claim # 5: Cell phone are of the devil.
A little bit true, a little bit false. Of course, there is no "devil," although there are some American politicians who believe so & have acted accordingly, drinking the blood of children & gutting environmental laws. But if "of the devil," one means "evil," then most certainly cell phones have more of a capacity for evil than good. While a cell phone might be handy, for example, when your automobile breaks down by the side of the road, so you can call for help or chat with your mom or what-not, an annoying cell phone ring is 452% more likely to get you beat the fuck up than a home phone.
Claim # 6: All I need is my cell phone & a label maker & I am set.
What? Who submitted this? I'm trying to write a serious article here. Come on!
Claim # 7: While we don't know what cell phones are really doing to us & to our environment, they can't be as bad as the paranoid folks think.
Dream on, bright eyes.
Cellular phones, invented by the Romans but not feasible for mass production until the Nazis, came into their own in the late 20th century. Powered by the body scrapings of ghouls, these helpful communication devices have proliferated to the point that, in the United States alone, even the unborn are offered cell phone plans. But wait! I hear you interrupt. Parts of ghouls? Wouldn't that make them radioactive? Of course it would.
Below are some common claims about cell phone effects & the latest scientific responses to them. Please take them with a healthy dose of skepticism. If you see something you know to be false, text me.
Claim # 1: Cell phones feed off the plasma in your blood.
True. Ghouls, while perfectly fine as a power source for jumbo jets & all-night raves in abandoned warehouses, need human blood plasma to sustain themselves - even in tiny pieces - over long periods of time. The Catholic Church pioneered ghoul technology after they exploded the first atomic bomb in 1254 CE, but ghoul technology remains hopelessly misunderstood - partly because the church tends to fund more grants to prove the Bible can zip around in the air by itself.
Claim # 2: Ringtones are codes designed for secretly communicating with alien circus freaks.
Undetermined. The rise of alien circus freaks in most of the world's alien interactions has coincided with the rise of cell phone technology. However, as captured alien circus freaks have apparently only mastered Esperanto, it's impossible as yet to know why they have begun visiting Earth en masse. If you speak Esperanto, please contact your local alien apprehension squad. If you cannot find your local alien apprehension squad, please look in the phone book under "contact lens repair." There. That's them.
Claim # 3: A cellular phone can distill liquor.
False. Who told you that, anyway?
Claim # 4: Several legislative bodies all over the globe, including the United States, are debating adding amendments to their respective incorporation documents guaranteeing their citizens the right to a cell phone.
Undetermined. But would it surprise you?
Claim # 5: Cell phone are of the devil.
A little bit true, a little bit false. Of course, there is no "devil," although there are some American politicians who believe so & have acted accordingly, drinking the blood of children & gutting environmental laws. But if "of the devil," one means "evil," then most certainly cell phones have more of a capacity for evil than good. While a cell phone might be handy, for example, when your automobile breaks down by the side of the road, so you can call for help or chat with your mom or what-not, an annoying cell phone ring is 452% more likely to get you beat the fuck up than a home phone.
Claim # 6: All I need is my cell phone & a label maker & I am set.
What? Who submitted this? I'm trying to write a serious article here. Come on!
Claim # 7: While we don't know what cell phones are really doing to us & to our environment, they can't be as bad as the paranoid folks think.
Dream on, bright eyes.
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