Seventeen (17) Reasons To Have A Blog About The War On Sailing

I. The War On Sailing is neglected by academics, feared by politicians, hated by the powerful, suitable for framing.
II. More immediate & possibly sexier than global warming.
III. Spans several disciples, therefore requiring no real disciple to study.
IV. Key players in the War On Sailing are far more attractive than other great worldwide conspiracies.
V. Guaranteed employment for lifetime of war (which is basically forever).
VI. Allows students of the war on sailing to be righteous about the War On Sailing's wrongs while revelling in its moral ambiguity.
VII. Would make a great musical, a decent rock opera, a gory ten-part graphic novel series & several really fine sonnets.
VIII. As a fledging enterprise, the War On Sailing may replace other academic departments & philanthropic organizations over time. At this early stage, one can target those institutions & wreak havoc upon them.
IX. The War On Sailing is a brisk cardio workout.
XI. More than other disciplines, the War On Sailing appreciates & seeks out buffets.
XII. While it doesn't require the making of lists, the War On Sailing fits easily into lists.
XIII. Writing about the War On Sailing is a tremendous sleep aid.
XIV. The War On Sailing encourages drinking, living the hobo lifestyle, & petty larceny. In other words, it's a good excuse for such things.
XV. There's time for the little things.
XVI. Studying the War On Sailing encourages visual aids, costume changes, & lots of singing & dancing.
XVII. No purchase necessary.

Statement of Intent

As someone who loves people, freedom, history, sex with unfamiliar women & freedom, it gives me great pleasure to begin this blog to chronicle the War On Sailing. For a long time I have sat idly by (often I even stretched idly out, especially when my back was hurting me) while academic indifference & tenure-track snobbery chose - even opted - to ignore this terrible, terrible struggle, which continues to take lives, ruin lives, enrich lives & even save lives daily. It is my firm belief that most researchers, journalists & yes, academics have chosen not to study the War On Sailing because it is simply too large a task - its history spans centuries, cultures, language & color preferences; as well, its outcomes have shaped politics, literature, popular music (though not really classical music - & no one really knows why), science, technology, cuisines, religious beliefs, cheese production, addiction, the way people are in California - among other things.

If you're like me, you're wondering two things: 1) Why is this not on the front page of every paper & in the headlines of every news show on television? & 2) If it's so big, wouldn't it be a real pain in the ass to cover it? I believe the second question answers the first - we are able to map the human genome, to write complex code to make software run, to decipher ancient languages & cultures - but we can't really handle anything complicated. We are a lazy culture. & that, too, is a result of the War On Sailing.

I thought it best if we started small. A blog. Then, perhaps once we've gotten our bearings, a short book. Maybe sharing it with some Garfield cartoons. Then a sitcom - probably on Comedy Central, so if it failed, no one would notice. Then a major motion picture. & then: the Nobel Prize Acceptance Speech.

We will examine this rich & unstudied subject through many forms, although I don't really trust the epic poem & probably won't use it. If you knew about what happened to me, a randy graduate student named Eva & a copy of The Iliad, you'd understand. So please, friends, visit this blog often to learn about something that your college professors & friends in the real estate business do not want you to know. That the War On Sailing is real, & it's affecting your life right now!