The National Identity Administration, in association with the Bureau Of Personality, has announced the issuance of brand-new, holographic, only slightly radioactive ID cards, which you will need to carry with you at all times, especially if you intend to enter Sectors 1 through 94, or if you intend to rely upon the government for all your potable water needs.
A statement released anonymously by some fellow we suspect is Frank Butler, who lives on King Street in a very handsome ranch-style home which was built in the mid-1970s, asserts that the new ID cards will make you more popular with the opposite sex, if that is your wont, and will also keep police, palace security, and leftover Pinkertons from beating you to a pulp with truncheons if you display it when asked.
Critics who have been silenced point out that many of the new ID cards have incorrect photographs on them, many of them in fact resembling the photos one finds in new wallets of models posing as family members. This should not be a problem, since those checking the IDs will not be looking at any pictures. All security personnel have been trained in olfactory techniques which allow them with 72% accuracy to "sniff out" fraudulent cards. Beware of police officers with colds!
To obtain your new ID card, simply get in line at the new Identification Center in your neighborhood. There should be one on every street corner by the end of this week. Do not attempt to communicate with anyone until you get your new card. One the back are suitable topics for conversation which you can use when the next new ID card is issued in six weeks.
Remember to bring your coupons and have correct change if possible.
