News Item! Cheese Mite Scandal!

Sad little news correspondents on a limited budget gathered in Modesto yesterday to win praise & blame from various corporate headhunters attending the annual Blood Sport Convention, sponsored by every cola on the market. This year's protestor, a fellow named Ted with a tattoo of a spider on his forehead on his neck, half-heartedly held a sign at the door that read in big red letters "Peace Of Mind!" There were reports of violence & lawbreaking, but they came from within the Modesto Convention Center.

Know-it-all science person Edwin Fancypants discussed the probabilities on access television: "First came radio, then television, then internets. Ever-so-slowly the blanket of information swaddled us, while time & corruption burped us, & that left only the leaflet of spanking to mush up the applesauce of learning & spoon it into our toothless, ever-wailing mouths of time."

Sometimes when you see a woman weeping on the street, they are tears of joy. Bringing the criminal justice system into a conversation or a family matter complicates things, especially if there are people in pantsuits with clipboards. One scholarly wag defied noted etymologist Charles Würd & declared, "All my speaking components can be traced back to Middle High Frisian!" & won a spot on a daytime television commercial.

But will the city settle for synthetic cheddar until the cheese mites can elect a new village elder? The children express their disapproval by stomping their feet & airing their parents' dirty laundry. The forbidden words "import/export" refuse to leave the lips of the more prudent, & of course it's the lactose intolerant who, as history bears cold witness to, suffer the most.