As an example or exercise, use the search engine of your choice and see if you can find Vancouver. At 6:43 am this morning, in a heavy downpour & with no hesitation whatsoever, oversleeping cartographers everywhere experienced what their spouses called "either an anticlimactic spasm or a half-hearted panic attack." The reason? Says Mason Longe, a Denver cartographer & pineapple spokesperson, "I couldn't find Canada!"
Several Canadians attempted to talk to the press but were not understood due to thick Newfoundland accents. One zookeeper, who was looking for a famous missing leopard in a New Jersey brothel, gladly sang to reporters & showed a tattoo of Chris Christie that he had himself drawn on his stomach. "I once sat through an entire television show filmed in Canada," he said. "Never again."
The President, who was bravely fighting off zombies in front of an unnamed model train store, refused to put down his shotgun & comment. The opposition, engaged in cosplay based on the new "Li'l Reagan" cartoon on Fox News, were both furious & pusillanimous. The Dungeons & Dragons game at Carl Thompson's house went off without a hitch - unless you count Teddy Hickens eating all the barbecue Pringles which Carl totally does.
Realizing they could now vote on their phone for pennies a serving, some teenagers refused to believe that there ever was a Canada. "Maybe it was an inside job," said Melody Hogg of Poughkeepsie, New York. "Like the Lincoln assassination. Or the Lincoln bedroom." More legislation will be proposed in Oregon, as usual. You can open the door now - it's only climate scientists & they've promised to be good.
