New computer applications can teach your children to tell the time in nautical miles, reports Consumer Consumer magazine. It's all part of the Autumn Christmas Fashion issue, available on bookshelves & of course in your grocer's freezer. A sneak peek inside the four thousand page, glossy-sided, highly combustible periodical reveals many pages intentionally left blank.
What of the families in today's economy who don't know how to make a stew with only a catalog & a handful of weeds? One charity program based out of an Evangelical church in a Mormon's basement in Dallas, Texas, provides a daily meal to the homeless consisting of a buttered bun & a small piece of candy stolen from a doctor's office. Complaints are met with a sharpened crucifix poked up against the jugular.
"We can't rely on churches to feed us," said famous fat person Link Download, "& of course the government forgot to hang up the phone so all we get is a busy signal. The solution is rich people!" He stood on a bluff outside Bob Dylan's Malibu estate as he instructed a ragtag group of hobos, the disenfranchised, the dispossessed, & other classic rock fans to camp on his lawn until the singer-songwriter brought them the menu.
With nearly one in every other obvious group of children in clear distress, statisticians have a lot to answer for. An administration executioner declined to discuss leaked plans for another round of economic poisonings, citing the opposition party's strange glee in killing their own. As Christmas approaches, then, the laughter of Santa Claus may for many be the uneasy sound of a priest giggling at you.
